Choice

I was talking to my coach today and came to a not-new conclusion.  I get stuck in negative mind-loops (she called it crazy figure eights) and then I think "I can't help it! Its out of my control!"  I blame my husband's cancer and my son's belly ache for being so effing impatient, for wanting to indulge in bad habits. (After all, I say, this is bad stuff!)   I let myself believe that my reactions are inevitable.   Today, I remembered.  They are not.  I choose.  To choose right I have to be conscious and mindful and sadly, let go of the fantasy that there is a magic wand, a massive epiphany, or a miracle if only I am spiritual enough and meditate long enough.
I remembered.  In the gap between what happens and how you react is all the miracle you need.  You choose your reactions and you build on your vision for who you want to be.  My vision is to be strong enough to face cancer beside my husband. To be healthier myself as I face my negative mind-loops and refuse to play out old patterns of thought and action. My vision is to stay on the spiritual path of conscious choice -which is Jedi-tricky and Wizardy magical as any other.